#2: Dumb Baby Names

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Filed under dumb baby names

21 responses to “#2: Dumb Baby Names

  1. Looks like White parents and Black parents have a whole helluvalot in common-LOL!

  2. Jew-ish and White-ish

    Shiloh is Hebrew, filing it under the Biblical section of hipster baby names, not, alas, native.

    STUFF WHITE PARENTS LIKE: Yes, sadly, even though we write this blog, we have ourselves failed as white parents.

  3. Bri

    I have a cousin who named his kids: Sierra(girl) and Dakota(boy) unfortunately his wife and he ran out of originality and named the youngest, a girl, Riley.
    Go figure.
    Tragic really.

    STUFF WHITE PARENTS LIKE: That IS sad. We will ask all our white parent neighbors to light a scented candle for you. We’re thinking something in a red currant or tuscan olive scent. Will that help?

  4. semi-white mom

    It’s not necessarily “dumb” baby names that are the rage among white parents – names must be unique (making up a totally odd and unpronouncable spelling qualifies a name as “unique” even if it’s really just Amy, spelled Aighymee) but also somewhat pretentious in order to give the appearance that the child is somehow better than the other drooling tots on the playground, simply because of his or her name.

    STUFF WHITE PARENTS LIKE: Totally agree. In fact, we are passing your comments on to our friend Challe (pronounced “shelly”).

  5. These days white parents are going for international names like Arabic, Indian, etc. which I feel is just weird. Stick to normal names, like Mary, Lisa and John ,people!

    STUFF WHITE PARENTS LIKE: Thanks for your comment. Spoken like a true regular Joe!

  6. So…International names are NOT “normal”? Wow.

  7. TheOneLaw

    The effort to use a name that is different is important if you don’t want your child saddled with the baggage of the names already in use.
    Unfortunately, this leads to longer names.
    Name your child ‘Britney’ or ‘Abdul’ and just try to imagine all the stereotyping they will face.
    Besides, a name should be unique in some regard – or are we just raising a generation of robots?

    Actually, I think R2D2 is a fantastic name for a toddler!

  8. mrsla

    Where does one go to see if they have a dumb name?

    This is an interesting question and we have devised a four-part test.
    1. Do people laugh (or restrain laughter) when you say your name?
    2. Do they demand you repreat your name several times so they can understand it and/or laugh at it some more?
    3. If they are not laughing, do they have trouble spelling your name “correctly” (and we use that term very loosely)?
    4. Are you white?
    If you answered yes to any TWO of the above questions, you probably have a dumb name.

  9. Andy

    I fear the names of the future generation
    There will be countless kids named Keanu, Oprah, Barack, and Rivers.

  10. Aquarianbrass

    What constitutes a “normal” name changes over time. A hundred years ago it was stuff like Horatio, Abraham, and Wilbur. Nows its Mike, Jimmy and Todd.
    Of course, what is so dumb about being “unique”. Yeah, everyone should have like the same name, it’ll make life so much more interesting.

  11. hrhkat

    Well, I think white people like to name their kids unique names, because as a child they had a name that was so common. In the 70s, there was only really four names, Jennifer, John, Robert, and Sarah. White parents dont want their children to have to live through the pain of being “Jennifer A” or “Robert (called bobby when he was a child in elementary school) D”. They dont want their children to have to deal with someone calling their name and not meaning them, but the other Jennifer, no not that Jennifer, the other other Jennifer. As stated white people are really all about themselves, they dont want to have to eventually hear their children tell them that there are 5 other girls in class with the same name, and also how white people use unique names to benefit their daily lives. They will name their son Elton or Tox (or somthing with unique letters such as K, Q, U, X, possibly even naming them Qukx and will tell people it sounds like a mixture between quacks and quick and telling you its sounded out as qughcks) so if they ever lose them in Whole Foods it will be easy for them to be recovered because their will be only one Tox or Elton in the store to respond. Also it is an instant conversation stater, and it allows the white parent, and eventually the white child, to explain the meaning to make the conversasion more personal, and that would help in letting people know more about you while also showing superiority in your parents creativity. But sadly, all these unique white names will be common as well, and we will have a world filled with Avas, and Max, and Shilohs, and Pax, that eventually, naming children Jennifer will become the new “it” name because it shows how you are authentic and dont play into fads of naming kids unique names, which thus the white person is doing in naming their child Jennifer so their childr will have a unique name in a world filled with Avas and Emmes.

  12. datamonkey

    Hmmm… R2D2 isn’t bad, but I’d abbreviate it to “Artou” and claim it was French.

  13. NCLawyer

    Datamonkey, that’s brilliant, you should use that as a pick up line. If I weren’t taken I’d have your baby, ha!

  14. The first two boys and first two girls were once named for their grandparents. Evidently it ‘s been a few generations since grandparents were worthy of having children named for them.

  15. zsazsa

    I was laughing at your article, until I saw you had a picture of the name “Mia”, which is my daughter’s name. When we named her, I didn’t know any Mia’s. Now everybody’s g-d named Mia.

    But more significantly, I am a non-white person whose been trying to be white for a long time. So I guess I finally got it right. White at last!

  16. DB

    Uhura (first post)? What kind of name is that?

  17. ar

    This generation of unpronouncable, oddly spelt and just down right weird named kids will return to naming their children Jennifer, John, Robert and Sarah. Matthew, Mark and Luke may even become popular again. Parents want their child to be the smartest and most successful, but they will never be able to spell their names!! Or is that why parents give their cherished little one a name that is so oddly spelt because they themselves could in fact never spell to begin with? Parenting has become one big competition… forget about all the material items that cost big$$$ Sit down with your baby and give them a hug and kiss. Babies care most about love.

  18. Johann

    My kids have normal names.

    0 for 2.

  19. mobot6

    Is Mia not a typical name????? That is my daughter’s name…Maybe Mia is exotic to whites???? PS I am not white

  20. Jersey

    My first (real!) name is unfortunately one of the rare but unfortunate ones to have various spellings that are all kind of equally popular in spelling. As is, try to have to clarify the spelling of all three parts of your name — first, middle, AND last — because there are multiple popular spellings, as that your last name is misspelled constantly because you live near a town that is pronounced the same way, but spelled differently or people just unfortunately mispronounce your name all the time.

  21. firefly

    Almost as bad as dumb names are ‘clever’ names, or rather dumb parents who think giving their kids ‘clever’ names is ‘cute’. For example, a friend of my husband is named Brent Wall, he convinced his wife to name their son….BRICK. Which I think is neither clever nor cute! I will spare further examples, saddly I know many.